simianfever

I must say, first and foremost, I love animals (that I don’t eat), but there is no doubt in my mind right now that the war on drugs and terror has taken a backseat to the war on animal cruelty. I’m ok with public opinion and the feds chilling out on the war on drugs, we as a country need those, but saving a cock is not nearly as important as stopping a militant, radical, fundamentalist, manic depressed, satanic (wordup brother!), schizoid, catcher in the rye reading, bomb strapping, finish off my friends before i do myself type of person, with any one or multiple combination of. I mean, c’mon, there is a columbine every other week these days, but we seem to be a little to worried about our athletes and celebs and what they do with their pets.

Thanks to Michael Vick and his a little too obvious dog fighting habit, America has gone on a tear to condemn all forms of animal on animal fighting. Alright, I’m with you on the dog fighting, its no good, but stopping two cocks from fighting for survival is just over the top. The percentage of any cock dying of old age is probably under 1.

Lets face it, America eats cock all the time. Cock can be prepared in so many ways, that it boggles the mind. Both men and women salivate when they think of eating cock. Fried, grilled, baked, you name it. Baby cocks come in a plastic tin, rotisserie cooked, for $6.99 at the market; you buy it and suck that little cock down till it’s a dry bone. My ex girlfriend loved it when I prepped my cock slowly, broiling it, and smothering it in a yogurt glazed chutney. She would swirl it around in her mouth because obviously, it was a tastey cock. With that being said, I know where all the cock Americans eat comes from. They’re raised in a coup, which is an endearing farm term for caged hell. They lay eggs, and the male cocks to produce eggs for breakfast rape the female cocks (hens). They’re prisoners until death. Cockfighting is a way out for these clawed beasts.

If you had the choice between prison (where you get raped) and fighting for your own survival, which would you take? Ok, maybe you have a rape fetish, so let me lay out the facts. Cockfighters are trained. The cocks have a workout regimen matched only by that of a top athlete (not including golfers or racecar drivers). They are prepped by handlers and are only provided with the best corn feed, and sleep with only the finest of hen (think race horse breeding). These feathered champions are treated well, and understand their role.

So, you wonder why I have become a champion for cockfighting?

In 1974, character actor supreme, the great Warren Oates, starred in the cult film Cockfighter. Warren’s performance was powerful, but unfortunately overlooked by the Academy. The film’s impact on the sport was profound. It pried into the mind of the cockfighter. Oates’ character was a man torn, hell bent on competition and in search for the best cock that would earn him the crown, Cockfighter of the Year. I was skeptical of this film before viewing, but, as the cinematic magic oozed out of my Panasonic, I realized then, that cockfighting’s underworld was one of intrigue, and legitimate competition. Oates’ performance was extremely powerful, proven by the mere fact that he only utters a few lines, playing a mute for the majority of the film.

Cockfighter provided a deeper understanding of the sport. Its a battle with little laws, with only one sane exception. No thumbing your cock’s asshole prior to battle. It makes sense. The thumbing of your cock’s anus could send him into a frenzied rage, giving your cock a clear advantage over your competitor. A breach of this rule can get a cockfighter banned from the sport.

I’m not going to make an argument for cockfighting because its part of any one countries culture (which it is), because then I’d have to defend bull fighting and bull riding in general, which I’ll use as a point to help the case of cockfighting. So, in bullfighting, the bull dies a bloody gruesome death at the hands of another man. In Bull riding, sure the bull survives, only at the expense of his scrotum being tied in a knot for a minute. If you ask me, that is one minute too long, for any sack to be tied. But hey, according to major media, I’m wrong.

So what does the future of Cockfighting hold? Well, in America, not much, with the exception of an underground circuit (which I do not partake). But I’d like to see this brought to the forefront of American tradition, in the only traditional way that can be accepted by America. I hereby use SimianFever.Com as my platform and pitch to Nintendo, for the creation of Cockfighter on Wii. Below is an image that portrays the gaming experience with the Wii nunchuk strapped to the legs of the users, enabling the gamers to simulate the motions of a prize cock. It obviously takes gaming and athleticism to a new level. The movement is a cross between jump roping and tai boe, as the competitors would have to time their jumps, kicks and pecks so that they can gain a competitive advantage, and slice their fellow gamers neck wide open. Imagine, the workout intensity of a good cardio and the visual stimulation of Mortal Kombat. FINISH HIM!!!